Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Rehab for Keyboard Warriors?

National News

Microsafe today announced the launch of the self censoring keyboard, designed to help those warriors who just can’t help themselves. Built in sensors will be able to detect the mood of the user, in order to determine if he/she is experiencing negative emotion and anger.

burning music cds by addon - Once detected, it will initially trigger soothing music to be played to the warrior, in order to calm him down.

 If this is not successful, a recorded message will be played to encourage the sad loser warrior to move away from the keyboard and engage in a more worthwhile activity, such as watching repeats of TOWIE in his pants and vest.

Failing that, the keyboard will monitor the sequence of keys being hit. If it detects any derogatory terminology, abuse or unpleasant language it will emit a series of electric shocks. These will increase in intensity depending on the level of offensiveness.

Electric shock. Choque electrico by Ehecatl1138 - Electric shock sign. Se�al de precaucion choque electrico.

The new technology was cautiously welcomed today by anti-bullying groups. “This could be just the weapon we need to educate these social inadequates misguided souls” said a spokesman for SOB (Stamp out Bullying).

However, there was concern from other quarters. The Duck breeders Association, The Carp Society, Federation of Shot Putters and Tanker Drivers Association all claimed that one small typo in their correspondence could have serious consequences. The Wendover Rugger Club were unavailable for comment.

Heve YOU have been affected by any of the issues in this blog?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Evil Nerd by hs -
The Urban Dictionary definition of a Keyboard Warrior is:

 1. A Person who, being unable to express his anger through physical violence (owning to their physical weakness, lack of bravery and/or conviction in real life), instead manifests said emotions through the text-based medium of the internet, usually in the form of aggressive writing that the Keyboard Warrior would not (for reasons previously mentioned) be able to give form to in real life.

2. The term is a combination of the word 'keyboard' (the main tool by which the person expresses his/her latent rage) and 'warrior' (due to the warrior-like aggression, tendency towards violence, headstrong nature and propensity towards brute force as a means of resolving conflict rather than more subtle means dependant on finesse).

3. The Keyboard Warrior seeks to use the power imbued in his 'weapon' to effect death and destruction (in a strictly-metaphorical sense) upon his foes (other virtual identities he has encountered on the internet). In essence, the keyboard (i.e. text input ability) allows the keyboard warrior to manifest his true warrior nature in a safe and removed environment, from which no real-life repercussions.

4. Keyboard Warriors are generally identified by unnecessary rage in their written communications, and are regarded as 'losers' by other virtual identities on the internet.


Lorrainej said...

Another one, I didn't expect that. Its so true, ashamed to say I recognised myself. Appologies again Morag.

Lorrainej said...

Ooooh, could I have my extra P back please. LOL

Morag said...

I didn't have you in mind when I wrote it, Lorraine! Appology accepted - I forgave you a long time ago. Perhaps we can give lessons to members of SOB on how to put our differences to one side :-P.S. I sent your P back...