Friday, 13 April 2012

Bucks Freedom Press NEWS 

Time after Time      

Once dubbed an exciting new book, this publication has now been flogged  to death. Why not encourage your friends and family to purchase several copies so that we can finally put this advertisement to rest. Please help.

NEWS     + Send us your news, pictures and videos so we don't have to bother to leave the office  

TRAFFIC ALERT   M25, Berkshire

Reports of queuing traffic and long delays due to earlier incident. Travel time is around 40 minutes.

UPDATE   It was erroneously reported earlier that this was due to an accident and a shed load of five tonnes of manure. It was in fact a shed load of unsold local newspapers which were destined for recycling.

HS2 scheme scrapped

The Government announced today that it is abandoning its plans for a high speed rail link between London and Birmingham. Instead, it has decided to introduce the 24.5 hour day as from January 1st 2014. The scheme is likely to save £32 billion. By extending each day by 30 minutes, rich business people will be able to travel on the existing train line and still have enough time in the day to make even more money.

This is welcome news for residents of the Chilterns, who will have another half an hour a day to appreciate the wonderful countryside that surrounds them.  Environmentalists are reported to be delighted at the news. Wildlife habitats are no longer under threat from the planned HS2, although there are concerns as to how the dawn chorus will be affected by the extra 30 minutes in the day.

The changes will create thousands of jobs in the clock and watch making industry.  A statement from The British Horological Institute is expected later today.

How will YOU be affected by these changes?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

New Transport System mooted for High Wycombe

Following a suggestion from Mr. Plus ça change, Wycombe District Council is in negotiations with the Mayor of London to purchase the “Boris Cable Cars” in ten years time, after the £36m sponsorship deal with Dubai-based airline Emirates comes to an end. The cable car system, which will ferry visitors over the Thames between the O2 Arena and the ExCel exhibition centre, has cost £60m and the shortfall needs to be financed with public money.

 Wycombe District Council has already received back over £2m of taxpayers' cash tied up in the Icelandic bank collapse. If re-invested wisely and saved for a rainy day, there should be “considerably more” by 2022. The council already has £41m in reserve, although the Lib Dems are keen to spend some of that to “help” residents now.

However, the majority of that fund is already committed to the Major Project Projects Programme to spend on major projects. This would be for major projects like the new Handy Cross Sports Centre, unless the controversial stadium plan is resurrected. It has been said that the majority were in favour of it but that has been refuted after a major poll was carried out.

If Wycombe District Council is successful in its bid for the cable car system it should solve many of the existing transport problems in the area and reduce congestion. It is also expected to become a major tourist attraction. Local people will also be able to get an aerial view of all the assets sold off by their Council.

What do YOU think? Will this solve our transport problems or could the money be better spent elsewhere?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Rare visitor at popular sandwich spot


A pelican has taken up residence in the grounds of All Saints Parish Church. It is believed to have been attracted by an abundance of fish paste sandwiches.

Resident pigeons are unhappy about the foreign visitor. Their spokesman, who would only identify himself as Clive, said “This is just another example of how Columba livia are treated as second class citizens. We were promised purpose-built housing six years ago. The council spent £3,000 on a state of the art dovecot but refused to stump up the £5,520 to install it. Outrageous! We were quite happy to maintain it ourselves. Now immigrants are allowed to fly in and take away our food supply. We should have equal rights.” 

The pigeons are considering relocating to join an existing colony at Frogmoor. “The diet over there is mainly chicken, burgers and chips, with very little fish. But there is an abundance of food so no-one will go hungry. What’s more, pretty much anything goes so we are unlikely to be persecuted as long as we don’t get too near any down and outs.”

Do YOU think the pelican should stay? Or should the dovecote finally be installed?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Police called to illegal rave

Bigun Hall
Police were called to an illegal rave at the well known landmark Bigun Hall over the Easter weekend.  Party goers breached the grand entrance gates and entered the extensive grounds of the estate while the owner, Mr Ivor Bigun, was at a neighbour’s house watching television. A large crowd of about 150 people gathered at the location and set up sound equipment next to the South Pavilion.  The loud music attracted complaints to the police from more than 2 local residents. When police arrived at the scene scuffles broke out and a large greenhouse had several panes of glass broken. Highly specialist tomato plants and hydroponic equipment were also damaged. 

One partygoer, who would only give his name as Albert, said that “People want to have a party. No-one wants any trouble. People are here just to have a good time. We have heard a lot about this place and we just wanted to see what it was like and party the night away”
An eyewitness said, “Police initially thought that the Hall had been broken into when they saw the state of the place but it turned out that wasn’t the case”. Mr Bigun was too upset to be interviewed but was said to be distraught at the state of his fescues. 

Were YOU there? Can you offer Mr Bigun assistance in cleaning up?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Local community's concern over vicious attacks

Clyde the rogue duck
Villagers living in Bores End are worried about a rogue duck which has invaded their stretch of the River Why. They believe it was a domesticated duck which has been dumped there because of its aggressive tendencies.

Local resident, Mr Bill Platypus says “There was always a bit of good-natured squabbling, but generally the ducks all used to get on really well. Then one day this bedraggled, unkempt old duck turned up and started attacking the other ducks. To start with, they didn’t seem too worried and just backed off and let him get on with it. But the rogue drake just kept pecking away at them and making a nuisance of itself. The once calm waters became rather stormy and now the villagers are concerned that the rogue will cause irrevocable damage to the local wildfowl.

The problem will be discussed at an emergency meeting of the Local Residents’ Association tonight. One option is to request the RSPCA to remove the drake, who villagers have called Clyde, before someone takes the matter into their own hands. Mrs Campbell, who lives near the river, says “Maybe if he had a mate it would calm him down a bit. But no self-respecting duck is going to have anything to do with such an unpleasant character”.

Can YOU offer a good home to Clyde? Are you able to rehabilitate this duck?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Late News

A middle aged man from the High Wycombe area was arrested outside the offices of the Bucks Freedom Press last night. He was wearing short trousers and a schoolboy's cap while shouting obscenities. Despite a huge number of placards it was unclear what the protest was about.

 More news as we get it.   

VACANCY    Work experience Opportunity. Moderator urgently needed for local newspaper. This position has been newly created to allow our journalists more time for drinking tea and playing online poker. We don’t have the time or interest in reading the valued comments on our online edition but the editor takes all complaints seriously. This unpaid position will prevent him having to deal with any.

    Just in :           Severe Weather Warning for Loudwater! 
 Localised Pestilence and Flood expected within the next 24hrs

This Weather Widget is provided by the Met Office


demoness the second said...


I saw the HS2 story and got all excited for a minute :(
However the rest of it -really very funny.
Well done - please do not thank me for my kind words of praise. :)

KentP said...

this is absolutely inspired - good work on a job well done!

I'm surprised Clyde is so unpopular though... doesn't everyone want a rough duck now and then?

Lorrainej said...

Brilliant Morag, why have you been wasting your time posting, when we could have had more of this.

NicM said...


I am very worried about the localised pestilence and flooding in Loudwater though! I think I may have to become all religious and pray for deliverance at some point!

Morag said...

Thank you all! (for your kind words of encouragement D? ;-))

D - Sorry for getting your hopes up about HS2...

Kent - Yes, but that is the key: "now and then"! I would like to think we are all looking for something more than that in the long term.....

Lorraine - I am quite good at wasting my time (it's one of the things I do best)...

Nic - Don't worry, it is so localised that it will only hit a particular spot off Station Road..

wayneo said...

Love it, very amusing :-)

gotanybiscuits? said...

I thought Clyde was a retired Police Horse??
Thanks for opening our eyes :-)

Morag said...

Quack! :-)

J B Blackett said...

As the Belfast Duck said as she ushered her ducklings across the panda crossing.

Morag said...

Great News JBB! After my return home 14 ducklings hatched in the garden – I have some lovely photos :-) After a morning here they set out on their long journey. I stopped the traffic as they crossed the road and I said goodbye with a tear in my eye……………..

Lorrainej said...

At least they were tears of joy this time, how lovely for you. Can't wait to see the photo's.

J B Blackett said...

Yes I've heard of them there overactive tear ducks.
Weep no more - the little ducks have gone to a better place , one would wish , so don't get in a flap.
I don't suppose saying "Congratulations" is quite appropriate with this scenario , is it ?
Anyway welcome back.

Morag said...

I will happily accept congratulations - I feel like a proud Mum. Photos to follow at some point.

Thanks JBB - it's good to be back.