EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

It has been a busy week here at the Bucks Freedom Press.

We have our first Landmark Victory!     

Only four days after publishing our Community Restoration Action Plan, Theresa May rolled the scheme out nationwide and re-named it the Community Protection Notice - which quite frankly we didn't think had quite the same air about it. Read more about it here

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2147814/Asbos-overhaul-Homeowners-dump-rubbish-gardens-face-100-fine.html#ixzz1vaoMkiaE

or find out more at Ivor's thrilling blog on the subject over at the Bucks Free Press.

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This Sunday we will also be publishing our much anticipated follow up article to

My Fling With a Bigun!

  

“Ivor seduced me with a romantic break for two…only for it to become a 48-hour romp-fest in a Bourne End B&B”

A forthcoming exclusive written by Edna Welthorpe herself.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED

COMING SOON ........

ONLY IN THE BUCKS FREEDOM PRESS!

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We are also delighted to welcome a new writer to the Bucks Freedom Press. William Geldart has written our first News article this week, and we look forward to him contributing more in future editions.


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NEWS     + Send us your news, pictures and videos so we don't have to bother to leave the office  

High Wycombe ranked ‘only’ eighth in

identity fraud report, loses out to

Slough 

Wycombe District Council has brushed off the results of the recent Experian Fraud Report that only ranks the town eighth in a top 10 list of major identity theft hot-spots.

Rival fleapit Slough topped the bill with twenty-five cases of identity fraud per 10,000 households. In comparison, Wycombe only delivered thirteen instances within the same parameters.

A spokesperson from WDC, Providence Magee, formerly known as John S. Tape, criticised the findings and their lack of scope.

He said: “To suggest that Wycombe is a hot-bed of bin-fiddling larceny is grossly unfair. The town offers far more than that. For instance, what about the drugs, animal porn-loving councillors and bus station assaults that we’re renowned for? We can’t allow this town to be shown up by places like Slough. ”

Meanwhile, local residents have been reacting to the news that suggests their privacy and security could be under threat.

Mr. G. Smith, who lives in Booker, told the Bucks Freedom Press: “I know of at least six Smiths on this road alone. I don’t think that’s a coincidence, do you?”

Government proposes the impossible:
dig up Ancient Woodland and move it to make way for HS2

In a letter to Cheryl Gillan MP, Transport Secretary Justine Greening has set out her intentions

to preserve ancient woodlands, which includes the idea of ‘transplanting woodland to an adjacent site.’

Steve Rodrick, Chief Officer of the Chilterns Conservation Board said;

“It is not possible to transplant ancient woodland successfully. You can transplant some of it but what you end up with won’t be ancient woodland. Ancient woodland is special because over millennia it has evolved its own ecosystem including soils, root fungi, etc, etc which are lost when disturbed. It is absolute nonsense to suggest that any valuable habitat can simply be trans-located by scooping it up and replanting it. I am not are of any successful example. The idea of trans-locating large trees from an ancient woodland with roots, soil, etc intact isn’t credible, and frankly not even worth debating.”

Think this item is a spoof? Think again! The above article was widely reported in the local press.  Yes, Justine Greening really has considered just digging up ancient woodland and moving it out of the way of her High Speed White Elephant.

To quote Stop HS2 campaign coordinator Joe Rukin: “When the government start talking in all seriousness about transplanting ancient woodland, you begin to realise what really needs transplanting are some brains.”

Quote of the week

The High Wycombe annual Mayor Making ceremony took place last weekend in Frogmoor. Traditionally, councillors and public officials are publicly weighed to make sure they have have put on "no more" weight "dining at taxpayers’ expense".

It was reported that Cllr Graham said he was pleased he had put on no more as he had not been following any special exercises.  He said: “I think today has been the best day. The weather has been kind to us. The crowd is getting bigger and bigger each year."

The Bucks Freedom Press thought this was a rather tactless statement. If there weren't so many takeaway establishments in Frogmoor maybe this would go some way to tackling the problem.

Hands up who can identify with this one?!

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Bucks Freedom Press NEWS 

Time after Time      

Once dubbed an exciting new book, this publication has now been flogged  to death. Why not encourage your friends and family to purchase several copies so that we can finally put this advertisement to rest. Please help.


NEWS     + Send us your news, pictures and videos so we don't have to bother to leave the office  
                                   

TRAFFIC ALERT   M25, Berkshire

Reports of queuing traffic and long delays due to earlier incident. Travel time is around 40 minutes.

UPDATE   It was erroneously reported earlier that this was due to an accident and a shed load of five tonnes of manure. It was in fact a shed load of unsold local newspapers which were destined for recycling.

HS2 scheme scrapped

The Government announced today that it is abandoning its plans for a high speed rail link between London and Birmingham. Instead, it has decided to introduce the 24.5 hour day as from January 1st 2014. The scheme is likely to save £32 billion. By extending each day by 30 minutes, rich business people will be able to travel on the existing train line and still have enough time in the day to make even more money.

This is welcome news for residents of the Chilterns, who will have another half an hour a day to appreciate the wonderful countryside that surrounds them.  Environmentalists are reported to be delighted at the news. Wildlife habitats are no longer under threat from the planned HS2, although there are concerns as to how the dawn chorus will be affected by the extra 30 minutes in the day.

The changes will create thousands of jobs in the clock and watch making industry.  A statement from The British Horological Institute is expected later today.

How will YOU be affected by these changes?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

New Transport System mooted for High Wycombe

Following a suggestion from Mr. Plus ça change, Wycombe District Council is in negotiations with the Mayor of London to purchase the “Boris Cable Cars” in ten years time, after the £36m sponsorship deal with Dubai-based airline Emirates comes to an end. The cable car system, which will ferry visitors over the Thames between the O2 Arena and the ExCel exhibition centre, has cost £60m and the shortfall needs to be financed with public money.

 Wycombe District Council has already received back over £2m of taxpayers' cash tied up in the Icelandic bank collapse. If re-invested wisely and saved for a rainy day, there should be “considerably more” by 2022. The council already has £41m in reserve, although the Lib Dems are keen to spend some of that to “help” residents now.

However, the majority of that fund is already committed to the Major Project Projects Programme to spend on major projects. This would be for major projects like the new Handy Cross Sports Centre, unless the controversial stadium plan is resurrected. It has been said that the majority were in favour of it but that has been refuted after a major poll was carried out.

If Wycombe District Council is successful in its bid for the cable car system it should solve many of the existing transport problems in the area and reduce congestion. It is also expected to become a major tourist attraction. Local people will also be able to get an aerial view of all the assets sold off by their Council.

What do YOU think? Will this solve our transport problems or could the money be better spent elsewhere?

Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Rare visitor at popular sandwich spot

Pelican

A pelican has taken up residence in the grounds of All Saints Parish Church. It is believed to have been attracted by an abundance of fish paste sandwiches.

Resident pigeons are unhappy about the foreign visitor. Their spokesman, who would only identify himself as Clive, said “This is just another example of how Columba livia are treated as second class citizens. We were promised purpose-built housing six years ago. The council spent £3,000 on a state of the art dovecot but refused to stump up the £5,520 to install it. Outrageous! We were quite happy to maintain it ourselves. Now immigrants are allowed to fly in and take away our food supply. We should have equal rights.” 

The pigeons are considering relocating to join an existing colony at Frogmoor. “The diet over there is mainly chicken, burgers and chips, with very little fish. But there is an abundance of food so no-one will go hungry. What’s more, pretty much anything goes so we are unlikely to be persecuted as long as we don’t get too near any down and outs.”

Do YOU think the pelican should stay? Or should the dovecote finally be installed?

Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Police called to illegal rave

Bigun Hall

Police were called to an illegal rave at the well known landmark Bigun Hall over the Easter weekend.  Party goers breached the grand entrance gates and entered the extensive grounds of the estate while the owner, Mr Ivor Bigun, was at a neighbour’s house watching television. A large crowd of about 150 people gathered at the location and set up sound equipment next to the South Pavilion.  The loud music attracted complaints to the police from more than 2 local residents. When police arrived at the scene scuffles broke out and a large greenhouse had several panes of glass broken. Highly specialist tomato plants and hydroponic equipment were also damaged. 

One partygoer, who would only give his name as Albert, said that “People want to have a party. No-one wants any trouble. People are here just to have a good time. We have heard a lot about this place and we just wanted to see what it was like and party the night away”

An eyewitness said, “Police initially thought that the Hall had been broken into when they saw the state of the place but it turned out that wasn’t the case”. Mr Bigun was too upset to be interviewed but was said to be distraught at the state of his fescues. 

Were YOU there? Can you offer Mr Bigun assistance in cleaning up?
Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Local community's concern over vicious attacks



Clyde the rogue duck

Villagers living in Bores End are worried about a rogue duck which has invaded their stretch of the River Why. They believe it was a domesticated duck which has been dumped there because of its aggressive tendencies.

Local resident, Mr Bill Platypus says “There was always a bit of good-natured squabbling, but generally the ducks all used to get on really well. Then one day this bedraggled, unkempt old duck turned up and started attacking the other ducks. To start with, they didn’t seem too worried and just backed off and let him get on with it. But the rogue drake just kept pecking away at them and making a nuisance of itself. The once calm waters became rather stormy and now the villagers are concerned that the rogue will cause irrevocable damage to the local wildfowl.

The problem will be discussed at an emergency meeting of the Local Residents’ Association tonight. One option is to request the RSPCA to remove the drake, who villagers have called Clyde, before someone takes the matter into their own hands. Mrs Campbell, who lives near the river, says “Maybe if he had a mate it would calm him down a bit. But no self-respecting duck is going to have anything to do with such an unpleasant character”.

Can YOU offer a good home to Clyde? Are you able to rehabilitate this duck?

Have your say - leave a comment at the bottom of this page.

Late News

A middle aged man from the High Wycombe area was arrested outside the offices of the Bucks Freedom Press last night. He was wearing short trousers and a schoolboy's cap while shouting obscenities. Despite a huge number of placards it was unclear what the protest was about.

 More news as we get it.   

VACANCY    Work experience Opportunity. Moderator urgently needed for local newspaper. This position has been newly created to allow our journalists more time for drinking tea and playing online poker. We don’t have the time or interest in reading the valued comments on our online edition but the editor takes all complaints seriously. This unpaid position will prevent him having to deal with any.

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